I’m just going to add this disclaimer so that my motives for posting this aren’t put into question: I am not writing this to get any type of congratulations or pat on the back or cookie or anything like that. I’m writing it to express my feelings about something that happened to me and how I felt in the moment.

In my Psychology class, we did an activity called “Step into the Circle” where the facilitator calls out several statements, and if it applies to you, you step into the circle and acknowledge who is standing with you; the people who are going through the same things that you are. Some of the statements get really personal and I was actually really surprised that we were doing that in such an…. unsafe environment. I’d done it before in this social group I was in, but we created such a safe space for each other that I had no hesitation standing tall and proud for what I believed in and have gone through.

So a few questions fly by: please step into the circle if you are male, please step into the circle if you are a person of color, and so on and so on. Then he gets to religion and I’m just praying and praying (haha praying) that he doesn’t say to step into the circle if you’re an athiest. He does; and I go up and stand in it. I’m not alone though, there’s this one other girl who steps in with me, although I’m not too proud to stand with her because she didn’t even stand for being a person of color with the very loud and ignorant statement “I’m not black, I’m brown.” So yea, I wasn’t exactly pleased to be standing alone with her.

Then a few more questions go by and I’m confronted with “PLEASE STEP INTO THE CIRCLE IF YOU IDENTIFY AS FEMINIST” and my heart drops. I get really nervous because no one is stepping in and I only have a few seconds left to decide whether or not I’m going to go up there as a male; alone. But then I have somewhat of an aha moment where I just tell myself: “Fuck it, Turhan. You believe in equal treatment for women and the end of sexism so you have to go up there and stand. Even if you’re alone.” So I did. And to be honest, even though I felt a little ashamed because of the looks I was getting from everyone in the class (men and women), I was really proud of myself because I’m not the type of person to stand for something or speak out about something if I’m alone.

I felt like I liberated myself to be able to call people out on what they say directly. And I know this post may be met with “congratulations for not being an oppressive douchebag” and I’m fine with that. But for me, I just felt like I was freed from some kind of block I had going on within me that was saying “It doesn’t matter what you say, they wont listen”. Because now that entire classroom knows that I identify as a feminist and I was finally able to admit it in some kind of public forum in person and not just speaking out against it on the internet. Yes, it was somewhat disappointing that I was the only one up there when my class is mixed evenly male and female. But I don’t judge the people who didn’t stand and I hope, even though I doubt, that my presence up there did something to change someone’s mind or at least how they feel about men in general (I’m talking about both men and women here).

So just to reiterate: I’m not looking for an “aww good job” or an “aww have a pat on the back.”